Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize