I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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