Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
