Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
is it fun? or sober?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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