I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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