Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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