6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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