1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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