life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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