so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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