I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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