...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
