I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
