So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
