Will you blow on my dice?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
