I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i dont even know how to be here
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize