Me. At least after what I've been through.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
