Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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