Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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