I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
