Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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