i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
