Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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