Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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