dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
