Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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