Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
