Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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