a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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