when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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