I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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