Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
