I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize