nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
