Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
