Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize