Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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