You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
