i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
