Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
