I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
