if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
