talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
