i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
