Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
