I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize