She went from zero to smokin in five shots
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
