Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
