so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
