everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
