haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
