I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
