our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
