I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize