This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i drank out of a bidet.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
