I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
