just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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