Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
