no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize