I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
