i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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