Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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