I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
