i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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