Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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