hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
