do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize