She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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