I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Bring me that man meat
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
