i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
