We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
