Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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